Ever feel like you can’t find what you’re looking for from your benefits? Look no further, and join us for a February 14th Special: Speed dating your pre-tax benefits!
What are my options?
In honor of Valentine’s Day, we’ve recreated a speed dating setting, but your pre-tax benefits are the potential partners. We know, it’s cheesy. But we also think it’s a pretty gouda idea. (We’ll try to spare you the corny jokes for the rest of the piece).
How is it going to work?
There are five “tables”, one for each pre-tax account. You travel to each table to hear the turn-ons and deal breakers of each pre-tax benefit, along with one fun fact. (You didn’t know pre-tax benefits could be fun, did you? You’re about to find out just how fun they can be…)
Anything that is a turn-on is denoted by a smiley face (
) while deal breakers are listed next to a black heart (♥).
Without further ado, please take a seat at Table 1 to meet the first guest…
Table 1
Potential Partner’s Name: Forrest S. Attbridge
Nickname: FSA
Someone willing to jump in with both feet early. I want to be in this together from day one.
Stability and certainty. A person who knows what they want from me and what the year ahead looks like. That’s huge.
People who are good planners, etc. Especially someone who is good at budgeting when it comes to medical expenses.
♥ Job loss. In all of my previous relationships, anytime someone lost a job, the relationship didn’t last.
♥ Other changes, like someone having a baby or moving (depending on where the person moving) can rock the boat a little. In some cases, it’s not a deal-breaker. It’s more of a game-changer. It really depends on the event.
Fun fact: I’ve always been a bit of math nerd. When I meet someone who knows their numbers, I’m smitten. It speaks to the fact that they care about setting things up in advance. They aren’t going into this willy-nilly. And that means there’s a much better chance of it working out.
Table 2
Potential Partner’s Name: Fitz Steven Ansen, Jr.
Nickname: Limited Purpose FSA
Someone who can smize. (The Tyra Banks’ term for someone who smiles with their eyes). I guess it really breaks down into two parts.
First (this is going to sound weird, but I live by the phrase “Honesty is the best policy” so, I really like people who go to the dentist. It’s like “Brushed, Flossed, Rinsed, I’m yours.” Nothing knocks my socks off like pearly whites.
Second, anyone who can can rock glasses is pretty hot. Don’t get me wrong– contacts are cool, too. I’m all about whatever you want. Heck, even Lasik.
♥ If you leave your job. If that happens, I’m going to say that you left me, not that I left you.
Fun fact: I work really well with Harry (HSA). We started a partnership back in 2004. I’ll let him tell you more about it…
Table 3
Potential Partners’ Name: Harry Samuel Allen
Nickname: HSA
Long-term commitment. I want a life-long partner.
Someone who is willing to have some adventures. If you don’t know exactly where you’re headed or what you want, that’s fine. We can figure it out together.
♥ You have to choose between me and Forrest. You can’t have us both.
Fun Fact: I actually know Fitz (LPFSA) and Forrest (FSA). As he mentioned, Fitz and I have been working together since 2004. I refuse to work with Forrest. Fitz, though, is great at what he does. He’s in a highly specialized line of work and we both take care of our piece, so we aren’t stepping on each other’s toes.
Table 4
Potential Partner’s Name: Casey Benson Phillips
Nickname: CBP
Someone who is understanding of the fact that I have two kids, Macy-T and Parker. I know that most people like Macy-T. She wants to go everywhere and see everything. Parker, on the other hand, is a bit more on the quiet, steady side.
A person who understands that I have my limits. I like to think of myself as a supportive partner, but I can only give so much.
♥ Honestly, this is going to depend on you. For some people, I’m just not their type. People who drive to work, bike to work, or work from home are deal-breakers. I can’t bring anything to the relationship in those cases.
Fun fact: I work regularly with a big wig: Shared Rides.
Table 5
Potential Partner’s Name: Christoper Olsen Brian Reinhardt Ashwall
Nickname: COBRA
I get flak for saying this, but I’m the rebound. I’m usually someone’s “meantime” relationship. When you’re ready to move on, no harm, no foul. I usually find a new date pretty quickly…
Anyone who is trying to work through a difficult situation that’s often out of their control.
If you want to spend some time with me and some time playing the market(place), I won’t complain.
♥ People who have all their needs met through another person or a job. I have the most to offer in a relationship when someone has no other options.
Fun fact: I have expensive taste. If we’re going to be together, I expect you to pay. Every. Single. Time. Like I said, I know we’re only together until you find something better. But until then… What are you doing tonight? 
The final choice
Want to know more before making your final choice?
Get to know the contestants better:
Happy Valentine’s Day!
